Am I gay?

Please help me. I'm confused and unsure if I am gay. I feel so ashamed of myself. I don't want to be gay but I was molested by my neighbors at 6 years old and from then on I would wear my mom's panties or sniff my sisters while masturbating. Cumming would always make me feel guilty for what I have done so I always promised myself that I wouldn't be such a faggot slut, but things still got worse

- Took off all my clothes then ran to a nearby public garden and shoved small branches in my ass while masturbating on all fours.
- Secretly stole a strangers panties and sniffed my best friends underwear in his comfort room.
- Cross dress and fuck myself for men while on webcam.
- Sent pictures of myself cross dressed in anal plug and chastity cage to my teachers, enemies, friends, and strangers. I also sent pictures of me cross dressed on all fours while my head was inside the toilet bowl.
- Many more embarassing things...

Two weeks ago I got so carried away that I inserted shower hose in my anus to clean myself. I then wore a french maid bodysuit thong, chastity cage, and anal hook - everything I bought online. I covered up then drove to a motel where I booked a teenager boy prostitute. He was shocked and was trying to stop himself from laughing when he saw me dressed like a faggot. I felt ashamed so turn off the lights and kneel in front of him to avoid eye contact. I hesitated and thought that I can never look at myself the same way again once I have tasted penis. I knew I was going to regret doing this but was too ashamed to back out so I close my eyes and decided to just suck now and think later. I was licking his balls from underneath when I tasted something different. I see him smirk from my peripheral view so I immediately realize it was manure. .